A note to you the reader.

It is my goal in this short article to try to convince you that every time we (that’s you and me) watch a movie, read a book, listen to music or engage in some other activity that contains the dominant sexual narrative we perpetuate sexual abuse. This then is our part to play in all forms of sexual abuse, including rape, the trafficking of sex slaves and the actions of Cape Town’s porn Pastor.

It is not my goal to justify the terrible things that sexual abusers, such as the porn Pastor, have done. Being a victim of sexual abuse and having a brother who was sexually abused, I am familiar with the trauma sexual abuse causes and the great need for justice on those who commit these crimes. My main goal is to make the point that we all, in a very indirect way, play a part in sexual abuse of all kinds, including those of Cape Town’s porn Pastor.

 

The sexual narrative.

It is a well documented fact that our lives work by narratives (stories). Every minute of every day of every year we participate in stories. We all tell ourselves stories that we discover from the world around us as a way to make sense of life. That stories run our lives, making us do what we do, is as factual as gravity. In saying this we never want to shift the responsibility for our actions onto these narratives. We are responsible for our own actions, however my point is that the narratives we discover and then tell ourselves directly effect our actions.

One such narrative is the sexual narrative. In this story sexual acts of all kinds are the measure of success. Those who reach for sexual experiences are the heroes. We see this at work every day in our schools where the popular kid is the one who is having sex and getting involved in other sexual activities such as pornography and even sodomy (true story). These people are the heroes because they are living up to what success is in this narrative. In this story the enemies are anything or anyone who opposes us being able to do anything we want with our sexual organs: parents, teachers, churches, a slow internet connection, bad signal on our TV and even a countries laws are all the enemies because they stop us having “fun” experimenting with sexual acts. Not only do we see this story being played out in schools but also on University campuses and in movies like American Pie and Fifty Shades of Grey. We most definitely see this narrative at work in music from artists like Drake and Rihanna who elevate sexual acts into god like status.

This is the sexual narrative and this is the narrative that sexual abusers, like the one who abused my brother and I, live by. This is the story that Cape Town’s porn Pastor lived by for around two years while he abused over 50 teenage boys from Cape Town using Instagram. This is the narrative that kept playing in his head and in his actions while he was on bail living in Durbanville. This is the narrative that took him back into prison. Now he is sitting in Belville Prison as you read this.

https://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/youth-pastor-rearrested-for-sex-offences-20180316

Note that in saying this I am not saying that this man, who is a friend of mine, is not responsible for his actions. It pains me to say it, but he must be justly punished for his actions. What I am saying here is that the sexual narrative was and is integral to his actions.

 

Our part to play in his actions.

Now that you understand the power of stories, I am sure you can see our part to play in the actions of not only the porn Pastor, but also in the actions of all sexual abusers. Can you?

 

If you cannot see our part to play than let me articulate it clearly. Since it is the sexual narrative that drives the actions of abusers (including the porn Pastor) and since the sexual narrative is taught to us all (including the porn Pastor) and perpetuated by us all when we pay money to watch a movie dominated by this narrative, or listen to music filled with this narrative, or watch pornography on the internet that is filled with this story we indirectly participate in the abuse.

 

This idea that we actually play a role in sexual abuse by perpetuating the sexual narrative may shock you. I humbly suggest that you read over this article again and think deeply about the sexual narrative that dominates bill boards, schools, TV, Instagram and so on. If you do I am sure that you will see that it is true that there is an indirect relationship between us playing out the sexual narrative in our lives and the actions of Cape Town’s porn Pastor.